What's on the calendar? Life-giving dates

I haven’t written for a while; the holidays were oh, so painful, and while writing helps to heal, it also opens up thoughts and feelings like salt being poured on open wounds not really ready to heal.  And that is really where I am in a nutshell: not really ready to heal; as I even write that I know that complete healing will never be possible.  There is too much love and too much loss…  Sunday marked the 8th month since I last saw Sam and I was so full of sorrow that I couldn’t even express it in words; even more so than the 1st month, 2nd month, 3rd month and so on.  I cry more, not less, because time does not serve to provide any level of comfort that would warrant any fewer tears.  Time instead signifies a larger gap since I last saw Sam.  I cry so much now that it seems like I’ve been swimming in a pool and have gotten chlorine up my nose and that made my eyes hurt.  I have no idea what my future is like without Sam so I keep my thoughts close to the task at hand and find that one more date on the calendar that I must get to.  The next date, tomorrow, I’ll get to share quality time with “moms” just like me who are “making it” either months, a year or a few years after losing their son, most teens, to a drug use or addiction episode that resulted in the loss of their life.  I couldn’t be more blessed by all my new mom friends while at the same time being so heartbroken.  Then I’ll work to get to Monday which I’ll get to spend with my inspiring son Nick; one of the greatest joys on Earth, and watch him enjoying basketball throughout the week.   Then I can get to Wednesday when I’ll be back “home” in East Central Illinois doing my first radio Public Service Announcement; a script I prepared with help months ago and which brings to life expressions of the hole in my heart still today.  Wednesday I will also Skype with a Kansas City high school junior who is doing a broadcast story about synthetic drugs and the negative effects they have on teens using them and the dangers that come with them.   Next date: National Drug Facts Week kicks off Monday, Jan. 26th and there are 43 Indiana schools signed up via Sam’s Watch to participate and we have our own Sam’s Watch parent event Jan. 29th.  During the week, I’ll have the chance to talk to many students and parents from Indianapolis to Greencastle and Evansville helping to shatter myths on drugs and with what parents will want to know now.  Once I get to February, I’m hopeful for more dates on my calendar albeit nothing will replace all that signifies the open seat at the kitchen table, the chuckle and voice filled with happiness that is missing from down the hall along with the endearing brotherly “Hey, Nick” or the son's “Love you” that spontaneously came to my ears at the end of each phone call.  Nope, what Sam gave to our family will not be replaced and the wound will not be healed but I will seek “life-giving” dates for me, our family and for those who hear Sam’s message.  Much love to Sam…